Raincheck please, raincheck.
As this head of mine are filled with questions,
Slowly I am devoured by my self-preservations.
Thus here I am beseeching thee an inquiry:
If affection and destiny would not coincide,
I ask thee --- where dost thou think I should abide?
As I let these tears of mine wash away yours,
Would you care to accompany me in this course?
But why is it that you are fading away from me,
Tell me, is this really how it should meant to be?
Oh no! You just did not know ---
Thoughts of you are now imprinting a smile on my face,
A memory which I don't think I can dare to erase.
It may be so senseless, yet I think it would be my grace -
To be with you, together with me, in that sweet embrace.
But raincheck dear, I beg thee raincheck.
Why am I retreating, I can sense a coming wreck.
I can hear it within, I can hear it loud and clear,
My cynicism's surfacing inflaming the fear.
Oh why, oh why? 'Tis horror is chasing me.
I wonder if I can bear it; let me see, let me see.
With these vexations, I pause and I stop.
I don't think it's possible, I fall and I drop.
Was it you, was it me, or was the feeling just a fancy
It's time for me, I guess, to let go of this fantasy.
So I decided to walk towards my solitude,
Praying and wishing for my own fortitude:
Sooner or later, I will be granted beatitude.
As I trudge alone this rocky journey,
Along the road I have found a key.
At first I was wounded then I was terrified,
How could I ever abandon the little of my pride?
So I asked for Death to be mine for a while
So that I can be freed but not from this life
Liberated from the assumptions that I've been breathing for this time
Assumptions that will surely bring me to my own demise
With messed up thoughts and messed up emotions
I am too ashamed to look at my ruined reflections
I have committed a crime which is too grim for mercy
A crime I have committed which now pulls me back to misery
So this is the phase where I hate myself much
How could I ever concede with the touch?
I have betrayed myself, an act so deleterious
An embarassment that is too grave and serious
Oh no! This is too dangerous!
So raincheck dear, raincheck.
Lest my body will be laid down on that tormented deck.
I plea for the rain to come and be hurry
For only the rain can wash away this idiocy.
As I gather myself from this tremendous fall,
I am now more aware that I can't really have it all.
It's sad, true, absolutely catastrophic!
But no, no --- there will never be a magic.
To my fateful life, save me but not from the tragedy
But from the certainty of my preordained folly.
214805Raincheckforandtwenty110727